Hello friends.
Since I am procrastinating studying for an exam, and everyone and their mother in State College is celebrating the ever-so overly hyped State Patty's... here is some rare word vomit that I know you all missed - If I could take it all back, I wouldn't have competed in August 2014. I wouldn't have dieted down for 8 months. I wouldn't have eaten tilapia and asparagus 7 days straight for a week leading up to my show and allowed myself only 16 oz of water the Friday before. I wouldn't have done it. Before I came to college, I had a full blown eating disorder. Over the years, it has manifested itself as anorexia and BED. Competing was the cause of my BED. I followed a meal plan, and not even a strict meal plan at that. I had my macros, and I was able to fit whatever I desired within the range, but something about that "counting" and "restricting" made my cravings uncontrollable. My "refeeds" would turn into a full-blown binge, resulting in me shoving as many oreos, ice cream PINTS, or poptarts into my mouth at 11:59pm (before the day was over and I had to start over tomorrow!!!) as was humanly possible. Does this sound familiar? ANY dieter, former or current, can tell you that if you break your diet once, it becomes a free-for-all before the night ends and you have to start over in the morning. This is a binge. Fast forward EIGHT MONTHS of cutting and bulking until I finally decided I would step on stage, and I was a wreck. I stepped off of that stage and after feeling deprived for so long, I didn't stop eating everything in sight for 2 months. I went from 120lbs to 145lbs in less than 3 weeks, and that was the HEAVIEST I had ever been in my life. I owe it to competing. I did not have the willpower to reverse diet. It is HARD. I told myself I would be fine but that's not always the case. Ask any competitor around you, it requires more discipline than the prep itself. Your body is so deprived of calories, and usually sugar, salt, and fat, that as soon as you get a taste of it, it wants more. Your body thinks it is never going to get these things again, so it wants to hold onto it. You LITERALLY cannot help yourself. When you gain 25 lbs in less than a month and sit at the heaviest weight you've ever been after looking the best you ever have in your life, it messes with you. Every time I looked in the mirror I was depressed. I didn't feel good in the gym, mostly because I knew I didn't look good and partly because I was eating like an asshole. I didn't love the things I had used to love, and I was engaging in more destructive behavior than I was used to. It felt like I had lost all control and I thought my only option was to hire another prep coach and compete again - THEN I would reverse diet properly. This is the problem. If you get sucked into this vicious deprive, binge, repeat cycle, you can become convinced that the only way out of it is to hire a coach and compete again. The problem is: if you can't reach your goal weight or body on your own and stay there, there's nothing a coach can do to get you there, either. To add on top of this, staying competition lean is no where near healthy for your body, especially if you are a female with hopes of having children in the future. The ultimate conundrum is: do you compete once and then slave away at a difficult reverse diet to remain a weight that isn't physiologically healthy for you or your hormones, or do you continue the cycle of dieting to look good, binging when it's not maintainable, and repeat? [Edit: Let's take a look at the definition of disordered eating. According to eatingdisorders.org "disordered eating refers to a wide range of abnormal eating behaviours, many of which are shared with diagnosed eating disorders." When you take a closer look at the list of "abnormal eating behaviors" they provide, you will see things such as "binge eating," "dieting," "obsessive calorie counting," "self-worth based on body shape and weight," and "misusing laxatives or diuretics." If you have competed in a bodybuilding competition, you know that these words inherently describe the nature of the preparation for the competition. Preparing for a competition revolves around dieting. Your cheat meals become your binges. Your placement in a competition is centered around your body shape. Your peak week involves diuretics. This is the definition of disordered eating. It has nothing to do with how you "feel" during your prep because these are the things you actually do to prepare to compete. As stated above, you do not have an eating disorder because you choose to compete in this sport, but these are signs of disordered eating. This is why there is especially a problem with those who have had prior eating disorders choosing to compete in a bodybuilding competition. The sport requires you to participate in disordered eating habits. Why, if you know that you have had an eating disorder in the past, would you ever decide to participate in this sport? I can't answer that, obviously, since I competed before, but I can tell you that my initial attraction to the sport was due to the fact that it seemed like the easiest way to get the body I wanted. That is most definitely not the right reason to compete.] Ultimately, studies have shown that we don't know if bodybuilding competitions develop eating disorders, or if those who have eating disorders are attracted to compete in bodybuilding competitions. However, as someone with a history of obsessing over my body and how it wasn't perfect, I can tell you that messing up your metabolism only to step on stage and receive criticism about how you could have looked better doesn't help. People with a history of eating disorders need professional help, not an online coach to assist in their starvation. If I could do it all over, I wouldn't ever step on stage.
0 Comments
|
Archives
August 2020
Categories |